Vampire Weekend Finally Fucking Released their New Album

May 31, 2013 by

(Editors Note – Earlier this week we gave you Wes Money’s review of the new Vampire Weekend Album.  Today, we give you a slightly different view of the album’s release.  Introducing Mrs. A, the wife of our very own Matt Ankerson.  Enjoy!)

On Mother’s Day, Matt pinched a nerve in his neck.  If you’re imagining Matt pulling weeds, or lifting something heavy, you’re wrong.  He hurt his neck by pretty much doing nothing.  Well, not exactly nothing, he was thinking about picking up our son Vincent.  He pinched a nerve in his neck because he thought he might pick up Vincent. I saw his face when it happened. 

Here is the thing about my husband.  He doesn’t want to talk about the injury or how he is feeling.  He wants you to stop asking questions.  I ask a lot of questions.  He was miserable to live with, I hated his stupid head.  He walked around holding his neck in place, swiveling his whole body if he wanted to look at something.  His lips were constantly pursed; I guess in pain.  He was awful.

A couple of weeks before the pinched nerve incident, Matt started listening to Vampire Weekend again. All. The. Time.  I like Vampire Weekend, they’re a fun band.  I saw them with Matt at the Orange Peel in Ashville. They were my summer jam a couple of years ago. However, I like a lot of other things too.  He listened to them in the car, in the kitchen, on his phone while we were lying in bed. 

Vampire Week end knew what they were doing to get their fans excited about the release of their new album.  First, they teased us with two new songs.  They were on repeat, and still are, for about a month.  Then the videos to said songs came out.  The videos are on now, too. I walk outside and he’s sitting on the porch watching a Vampire Weekend video on his tablet. Then, very cleverly, Chris Baio, their guitarist, found out he was related to Steve Buscemi.  They had Steve help with a mocumentarty to talk about the process of making the album.  I don’t know how many video snippets they released, but it was enough to get Matt even more excited, and I even more annoyed.   To top it off, our 4 year old gets brainwashed with all things Vampire Weekend, now she only wants to watch Vampire Weekend Videos.  I’m growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of variety in our house.   

I am sympathetic up to a point, on average about two days. After three days of Matt stiffly walking around the house with duck lips, cursing and complaining with every move, he finally told me he needed to go to the doctor. I had been asking him to go since day one but what do I know?  I also wanted him to go the acupuncturist, but that was never going to happen, so I’ll take the small victory.

I almost killed him before he could make it to his appointment.  I get up before he does; he’s not a morning person.  After I’ve been up for a while, I walk in to see if he’s made it up yet, Frankie, one of our dogs, jumps up on the bed and Matt seizes up, “Fuck!  God damn it!  Jesus Christ…”  I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth while holding Vincent. He forces himself out of bed and somehow manages to be stiff and hunched over all at once. I can tell he is in pain so I asked how he’s feeling.  He’s only got one eye open and that one eye is bloodshot.  He puts a hand on the sink, holding on to it to hold himself up.  He sets his phone down on the counter, grunts and hit’s play.  It’s f-ing Vampire Weekend.  I look at him and say “Are you kidding me?”  His response? “Their new album is finally coming out today.” Fucking finally.

Modern Vampires of the City came out and Matt got steroids and muscle relaxers.  The muscle relaxers put him in a better mood and relaxed his lips, the steroids kept him from sleeping.  He stayed up listening to the new album while I slept in peace.    It really is a good album, but I’m really glad he started using his headphones.

Just a few days ago, Matt and I were sitting on our front porch enjoying some adult time.  We were taking comfort in the beautiful night and both of our children were sleeping soundly in their beds.  Matt grabs his phone and presses play; it’s another Vampire Weekend song.  He turns to me and says “I know you won’t believe this, but this morning while I taking the kids to school Vincent said “YAHEY” when “Ya Hey” was playing.  I looked in the backset and asked Cora if she heard it and she said “yes daddy.” 

I looked at him, got up, and walked straight into the house.   

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