Pitchwhores: BJs for All!

Aug 21, 2012 by

 (Wes)

My morning ritual is simple; cereal spoon in one hand and iPad in the other, I first scan ESPN and the NYTimes then settle in to reading the news and reviews on the music site, pitchfork.com.  Some might even call me a “pitchwhore”.

For better or worse, Pitchfork, from its “Best New Music” reviews to its yearly music festival, has been responsible for publicizing and increasing records sales for many smaller artists who otherwise may not have been as widely heard.  I’ve been burned enough times by the site, reading lukewarm reviews on great albums and effusive praise for records that are merely meh, that I don’t consider myself a devotee.

All the same, when Pitchfork recently cast out for all their pitchwhores to vote on favorite albums from 1996 to present (the 16 years the site has been in existence) my curiosity was piqued.  Would the pitchwhores vote Kid A, Yankee Hotel, Funeral, and what not into the prominent positions that Pitchfork has always placed them?   Somehow, I roped Matt and Alan into a goofy wager: predict 50 albums that make it to the pitchwhore list, highest percentage wins.  Someone wanted the winner’s prize to involve blow jobs and self-immolation, but I was totally NOT down with that.

My list, in no particular order.

  1. Broken Social Scene – You Forgot it in People
  2. Radiohead – Kid A
  3. Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes
  4. Neutral Milk Hotel – Aeroplane Over the Sea
  5. The Avalanches – Since I Left You
  6. The Arcade Fire – Funeral
  7. Panda Bear – Person Pitch
  8. Yo La Tengo – I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One
  9. Modest Mouse – The Moon and Antarctica
  10. Flaming Lips – The Soft Bulletin
  11. Magnetic Fields – 69 Love Songs
  12. Built to Spill – Keep it Like a Secret
  13. The New Pornographers – Mass Romantic
  14. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga
  15. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
  16. The Shins – Chutes Too Narrow
  17. Sufjan Stevens – Come on Feel the Illinoise!
  18. Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavillion
  19. M83 – Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
  20. M.I.A. – Kala
  21. Girls – Album
  22. Outkast – Stankonia
  23. DJ Shadow –Endtroducing…
  24. Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
  25. The Strokes – Is this It?
  26. White Stripes – White Blood Cells
  27. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
  28. Jay Z – The Blueprint
  29. Phoenix – Liztomania
  30. Beck – Odelay
  31. Feist – The Reminder
  32. Daft Punk – Discovery
  33. Cat Power – The Greatest
  34. Ryan Adams – Heartbreaker
  35. Hot Chip – The Warning
  36. LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver
  37. Okkervil River – The Stage Names
  38. Weezer – Pinkerton
  39. J Dilla – Donuts
  40. Sigur Ros – Ágætis Byrjun
  41. Destroyer – Destroyer’s Rubies
  42. Elliot Smith – XO
  43. The National – Boxer
  44. Jay Reatard – Blood Visions
  45. Spiritualized – Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space
  46. The Clientele – Suburban Light
  47. Manitoba (aka Caribou) – Up in Flames
  48. Radiohead – OK Computer
  49. Bon Iver – Bon Iver
  50. Deerhunter – Microcastle

(Matt)

I went with all the top seeds.  Here’s my logic, all the pitchwhores hoping for Indie cred will throw obscurity on to their lists.  However, when the smoke clears, what you find below is what they will all agree on…I think.

Here are my fifty albums in no particular order.

  1. Radiohead – In Rainbows
  2. Radiohead – OK Computer
  3. Radiohead – Kid A
  4. Neutral Milk Hotel – In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
  5. Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion
  6. Massive Attack – Mezzanine
  7. Beck – Odelay
  8. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
  9. Wilco – Being There
  10. Elliott Smith – Either/Or
  11. Sufjan Stevens – Illinoise
  12. LCD Soundsysten – Sound of Silver
  13. White Stripes – White Blood Cells
  14. Aracade Fire (However many albums they released to date- I don’t get this bands appeal)
  15. Daft Punk – Discovery
  16. Animal Collective – Sung Tongs
  17. Vampire Weekend – Contra
  18. Bright Eyes – I am Wide Awake Its Morning
  19. TV on the Radio – Dear Science-
  20. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Fever to Tell
  21. Bon Iver – For Emma, Forever Ago
  22. The Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
  23. OutKast – Stankonia
  24. Jay Z – The Black Album
  25. The Strokes – Is this it
  26. The National – The Boxer
  27. Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
  28. Kanye West – Late Registration
  29. Grizzly Bear – Veckatimest
  30. The XX – The XX
  31. Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes
  32. No Age – Nouns
  33. Spoon – Gimme Fiction
  34. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
  35. M.I.A. – Arula
  36. The Decemberists – The King is Dead
  37. Ghostface Killa – Supreme Clientele
  38. Panda Bear – Person Pitch
  39. Modest Mouse – The Moon and Antarctica
  40. M83 – Hurry up, We’re Dreaming
  41. Girls – Father, Son, Holy Ghost
  42. Fugazi – The Argument
  43. LCD Soundsystem – This is Happening
  44. Flying Lotus – Cosmogramma
  45. Deerhunter – Halycon Digest
  46. Fucked Up – David Comes to Life
  47. The Shins – Chutes too Narrow
  48. Interpol – Turn on the Bright Lights
  49. Iron and Wine – The Shepherds Dog
  50. Portishead – Third

(Alan)

I have a confession to make:  I don’t read Pitchfork.  I don’t have anything against them,; I’ve just always gotten my music news from the various magazines Matt leaves on the bathroom floor at work.  I guess I have to turn in my Indie Cred card (though really, how much more indie than reading magazines off the bathroom floor can I get?); I’m really bummed about that, too.  I was going to use it to buy a bunch of Animal Collective solo projects, but that’s not happening now.

Anyway, below is my list of what’s going to be in the top 50 based on how I think people I know nothing about will vote.  I don’t want to brag, but I think blow jobs are definitely in my future.

These albums are in no particular order.

  1. Radiohead – OK Computer
  2. Radiohead – Kid A
  3. Radiohead – In Rainbows
  4. Jay Reatard – Blood Vision
  5. James Blake – James Blake
  6. White Stripes – White Blood Cells
  7. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
  8. The XX – The XX
  9. The Strokes –  Is this it
  10. Jay Z – The Blue Print
  11. Jay Z – The Black Album
  12. Neutral Milk Hotel – In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
  13. DJ Shadow – Endtroducing
  14. LCD Soundsystem – LCD Soundsystem
  15. LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver
  16. LCD Soundsystem –  This is Happening
  17. Bon Iver –For Emma, Forever ago
  18. Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes
  19. Sufjan Stevens – Illinoise
  20. Eliott Smith – XO
  21. Eliott Smith – Either Or
  22. Animal Collective – Merriweather Post pavilion
  23. Aphex Twin – Richard D James Album
  24. Flaming Lips – Soft Bulletin
  25. Bjork – Vespertine
  26. Magnetic Fields – 69 love songs
  27. Kanye – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
  28. Grizzly Bear – Yellow House
  29. TV On the Radio – Dear Science
  30. Shins – Chutes to Narrow
  31. Shins –  Oh Inverted World
  32. M83 – Hurry Up We’re dreaming
  33. Best Coast – Crazy for You
  34. Panda Bear – Person Pitch
  35. Sleigh Bells – Treats
  36. Beck – Midnight Vultures
  37. Johanna Newsome – The Milk Eyed Mender
  38. Built to Spill – Keep It Like a Secret
  39. Interpol – Turn on the Bright Lights
  40. Arcade Fire – The Suburbs
  41. Cat Power – The Greatest
  42. John Maus – We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves
  43. OutKast – Stankonia,
  44. Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
  45. Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
  46. Death Cab For Cutie – Transatlanticism
  47. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
  48. M.I.A. – Arula
  49. The Decemberists – The King is Dead
  50. Portishead – Third

Pitchfork is releasing their best of list sometime between the 22nd and 24th, check back here later this week to see who wins!

 

 

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867 Comments

  1. Yeagerbomb

    three cheers for Bon Iver!

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