Mutiny

Feb 7, 2013 by

 

 

 

Mutiny

 

She walked in a glide and I told her she was graceful, smiling nervously, trying to pretend I hadn’t said anything as awful as that.  Instead I must have said something that didn’t give me away.  Maybe I answered her question; simple would have been nice.

She smiled at my Anxiety giving it room to grow.  She talked some more, but I had a hard time hearing as Anxiety filled my ears with whispers of “out of your league” and “forget her now”.  I think her eyes were blue, but when I tried to look, Anxiety wrapped pork chop hands around my face, veiling my eyes with greasy apprehension.

I mumbled something even I couldn’t understand through the cotton balls that filled my mouth.  She was still smiling, but with more effort, waiting for me to do something.

I wanted to say something earth shattering, to sweep her off her feet and into my arms.  She looked at me waiting, eyes moving down to the table, her fingers picking at paint while her smile faltered.

My Anxiety laughed at the emergence of hers.  They giggled together in condemnation, hitting it off immediately and dancing about us arm in arm.

I wish they would just leave us be, give us a chance at this.

She looked at me without smiling and said she had better get back to work, “maybe we could talk again sometime”.   AGAIN, I thought, and couldn’t help the laughter that escaped my lips.  I watched her Anxiety slip into something a little angrier as she stood to leave.

Couldn’t she see what was happening here?  I was under attack, a victim of mutiny, held hostage in endless indecision by my overeager insecurities.  I thought I could say something to her, to make her see.  Then I thought better.  It was a moment I might have had.

So I let her go without saying a word.  I watched her gracefully, if somewhat disdainfully, walk away from me.  Her beautiful body fast becoming a memory, much like my Anxiety.

Relief sauntered up to the table and settled in, allowing me to finally finish my lunch in peace.

 

 

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