Memo from the Old 67 Sports Deptartment: It’s March, Let’s Get Drunk!

Mar 9, 2012 by

 

As February is in our rear-view mirror and we set our sights on spring, the air is warmer and the beer tastes a little sweeter.  Aside from the few baseball fans who greet this month with renewed optimism, (even KC Royals fans) the sporting world’s attention is solely focused on college hoops.  We can ignore everything else within the landscape of sports.  The NBA continues on with its regular season but we take a hiatus from it for the entire month of March.  The Masters is still a good thirty days away.  The NFL combine reports, Peyton Manning throwing footballs on Duke’s campus, Mel Kipers umpteenth mock fucking draft, Peyton Manning crying, can all be laid to rest, well at least until mid-April.

The American workforce consciously checks out of their daily work duties and responsibilities to prepare for that ever so important NCAA tournament basketball office pool.  We plot to cut out of work early so we can join others at a bar, our eyes glued to the television displaying a tight matchup against two teams we forgot existed a week prior.  Laptops, tablets, smart phones, and printed out brackets along with our favorite draft beer are the only necessities as we spend a much needed afternoon caring about kids who are not of the legal age to drink…. It’s good time to be alive.

March is my favorite time to get drunk; traditionally for me my drunkenness begins on the opening round Thursday and runs all the way through to the final four weekend.  I take delight in this type of drinking because it is short-lived.  Once the Red Sox begin their regular season play, my drinking is used to calm nerves and high degree of anxiety.  So it is important for me to enjoy my drinking now; because I am a real asshole from late August through October. 

As you skip out on a budget meeting to give yourself uninterrupted time in your office to fill out your office pool bracket, you might want to take the conservative approach.  Take the higher seed especially when making your round one and two selections.  The points are minimal in the opening two rounds in most office pools; your goal is the have at least 12-14 sweet sixteen teams still alive after the conclusion of the first weekend. 

Upsets are inevitable, that is the beauty of this tournament.  If you’re mulling over whom the next George Mason, Butler, or VCU will be this year; rip up your bracket at once and don’t waste your time.  Stay disciplined, stick to the conservative route when filling out your brackets.  Remember, the significant points of any office pool occur in the late rounds; your national powerhouses are typically still present.  Don’t ignore this approach.  If your stubbornness leads you to an opposite strategy, don’t be surprised if Mary in the office, who never watched a college basketball game in her life, is well above you in total points.

If you happen to correctly pick an upset in the first round, remain humble.  By all costs, refrain from being the douche bag at the bar, boasting to everyone how you accurately selected Richmond to advance over Vanderbilt.  No one cares; it is one goddamn point, circle it on your sheet and move on with your business. 

However, buy shots for everyone at the bar.  They still have to put up your drunken ass.

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1 Comment

  1. bob norton

    Easy on the drink, try chewing! It will relax you and won’t reprogram your head so you turn into an A–hole.

    Good stuff. When will you coach my granddaughter in the fine art of rooting for the right team? Maybe if you start now, she will forego the drink and go straight to chewing!

    Bob

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