Mark Emmert, The Fat Toad and MTV

Aug 2, 2011 by


In a recent Washington Post article, NCAA President Mark Emmert was quoted stating “incremental changes are not good enough to maintain the integrity of college sports and the governing body needs a more aggressive approach.”  That quote was enough to get an exaggerated eye roll from me, but when I read the article from the Washington Post about the upcoming retreat of the governing body, I could barely keep my eyes in my head.  The conference commissioners, athletic directors, and other faculty representatives will be attending to explore ways to implement a stronger enforcement of the rules.  I immediately drafted a letter to Mr. Emmert and his governing board.  It went like this:

Dear Mr. Emmert and the NCAA Governing Body,

Fuck off.

Sincerely, Matt and Jerry1

I think it is time for the NCAA to stop adding to their already mammoth 444 pages of bylaws in the Division 1 Manual.  The issue here is to do the exact opposite of what Mark Emmert wants to accomplish at his retreat.  Mark and the dregs of the NCAA Governing Board should take a less aggressive approach, or maybe just not take any approach (and cancel the complete waste of time and cash retreat).

I hope that someday the NCAA has the balls to take a step back so that the Universities can police themselves.  You laugh, but has the NCAA kept any type of integrity intact amongst college athletic programs with their misguided witch hunts, silly recruiting rules, and looking the other way on programs that they deem the face of NCAA? (Your day will come Duke)  The only way to make any headway, is to hit programs deep in their pocket when a severe violation has occurred.  Once revenue dollars dry up, watch AD’s actually become accountable.

By severe I do not mean any of the following:

  •  Athletes trading game tickets for free tattoos.  So what if they get free ink because mom and dad couldn’t attend the game?
  • Some townie schmuck giving away free dinners at his crappy restaurant to athletes.
  • Coaches restricted to limit contact with recruits, or better yet, enforcing limitations of communication through social networking avenues….So fucking what if Joe Paterno knows nothing about technology?….I say open up the floods gates, and let coaches use whatever means they so choose to contact recruits?
  • Some jackoff posing as an agent, which is unaffiliated with the college or University, trying to leach off some D student with a 42 inch vertical.  Parents or guardians please step up here.
  • Athletes trading their jerseys for important material essentials like IPads and stereos.  Give the athlete one home and one away jersey, and if he trades it away for drugs or a flat screen, then a lesson might be learned on game day.

Last thing before my head really spins out of control thinking about college athletics in this country….Can we end the meaningless punishment of the removal of wins and championships that were already won on the field or court?  Is this not the most asinine punishment they dole out for a rule violation? Hey you know that season your team went undefeated , well since your Coach went over his allotment of recruiting Tweets, history books now read that you lost every game in your undefeated season….Huh?

Other Adderall medicated mind droppings…..

My far and away all-time favorite moment of the only Yankee player I even considered liking, came from none other than Hideki Irabu.  Unfortunately, I can’t find any video of it, but here is a description of what occurred from an article in July of 2005 Baseball Digest.

Hideki Irabu almost turned a two-base award into a three-base award on August 20, 1997 in Anaheim where the Angels hosted the Yankees. In the bottom of the fourth inning, Dave Hollins hit a high chopping bunt between home and first that was bobbled by Irabu as Hollins raced to first. The ball rolled toward the Yankees’ dugout, and in an attempt to stop the ball from going into the dugout, Irabu threw his glove at the ball.

Fortunately for him and the Yankees, he missed. The ball rolled into the dugout and Hollins was given two bases. If Irabu’s glove made contact with the ball, Hollins would have been given three bases since this was a fair ball.

I believe I was 10 years old, the last time I was too lazy to run down a baseball that slipped by and threw my glove towards it, in the hopes of ending my pursuit.  Hideki’s glove throw is easily in my top 10 favorite MLB baseball moments.  You will be missed from this Red Sox fan……

In the spirit of Ken Kesey and Neal Cassady, a bus load full of Merry Pranksters made a stop to Gillette Stadium last week.  The bus opened its doors and two of the NFL’s craziest motherfuckers appeared -Chad Ochocinco and Albert Haynesworth.  Tom Brady will be able to handle Ochocinco just fine.  I am sure being married to a “Super Model” has prepared him well for the equally high maintenance wide receiver. Albert’s the wild card here, and not because his mind operates only on other planets, it’s because of his work ethic.  He barely made it through training camp drills last summer and soon checked out for the season.  Belichick has a pallet for these types of enormous high risk/high reward signings.   Corey Dillion and Randy Moss (Except last season) both fell under the Belichick spell, here’s hoping the same thing can occur for the very talented Albert Haynesworth.

Congratulations to former Fugee singer, Lauren Hill, on the birth of her 6th child. (Has she converted to Catholisicm yet?) Does anyone find it strange that Ms. Hill felt the need to reach out via Twitter and eventually to Rolling Stone to issue a statement that the child was not fathered by Rohan Marley. (Bob Marley’s son and the father of her first five children) Did I miss something here?  Was the world waiting impatiently for this bit of information from Ms. Hill?  I would encourage Lauren Hill to only use Twitter to issue apologies to her fans for every goddamn time she shows up 3 hours late for a performance.

Bob Bradley has been released of his duties as Head Coach of the US Men’s Soccer team.  He has been replaced by German soccer legend, Juergen Klinsmann…..I apologize for the unnecessary added word count to the post, now back to things America cares about….

Apple, creator of basically everything cool you own regarding technology, has a greater operating cash balance of more than $2.5 Billion over the US Government.  I guess some Corporations are just run better than others….Scary times indeed…..

Watch this:

  • The King of Limbs-From the Basement on Palladia.  Once again Radiohead doesn’t disappoint.  Shot extremely well, Thom Yorke and crew take us through a set of songs from their current album, The King of Limbs.  I enjoyed the album on the first few spins, but after watching the From the Basement telecast, the King of Limbs has made a resurgence in the Ankerson household.  Definitely an album that grows on you after each listen.

Don’t bother with this:

  • Bon Iver’s self-titled new album.  Besides the excellent track Calgary, nothing else stands out.  I find it ironic that many of the tracks are named for Midwestern locations or made up Midwestern towns, which sound nothing Midwestern.   Synth sounds feel out of place or even foreign up against the falsetto vocals of Justin Vernon.  I didn’t want a repeat of For Emma, Forever Ago, but I was thinking it would have a more organic vibe, with contrasting percussions or even a sitar strummed track. (Not sure why, but I think of how an album will sound before the release.)

MTV turns 30 years old this month, it was fun while it lasted.  MTV still calls itself Music Television even though there is nothing musical on it. No more Yo! MTV Raps or Headbangers Ball, just programs about 16 year old, knocked up, white trash….Jerry should we write another letter?


1. Jerry Tarkaninan helped me write the first and only sentence.

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  1. couldn’t agree more on simplifying the NCAA rule book. The greatest coach in the history of sports (Bob Knight) said the NCAA rule book should be one page. I agree. I’m not so sure about the part having to do with disagreeing with forfeiting wins. In sports or anything, if you are conducting your day to day business with an inelligible product, I’m not sure how the results can be valid. It’s kind of like one of your favorite bands growing up, Milli Vanilli. Should they have been able to keep all of their awards?

  2. jan ankerson

    Too many rules in the NCAA is similar to the democrates and their too many social programs; one suffocates an athletic program and the other promotes a lazy, entitled society.

  3. Yeah, hopefully we can get rid of social security and medicare, the biggest social programs we have, then all those lazy jobless folks can finally get jobs.

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