I Wish

Jun 27, 2016 by

We would like to introduce you to Doug Wallace. His short story “The Cure” will be included in our soon to be released third short story anthology.  Doug Wallace is a father of four kids who love the “mouth stories” he tells them each night before going to bed. After publishing his first short story in the creative section of a graduate student journal in college, he took a fifteen year break to focus on his career in the the IT security field, where he currently works to pay the bills. After being selected for a summer intensive with Orson Scott Card, Doug has written over twenty scifi short stories and is working on a number of scifi/fantasy book projects. He loves technology, history, and writing about his observations of what makes people tic. You can find more of his work here at his website.

I Wish

I wish I never knew you.

But some things cannot be un-known.

I wish I never saw you.

But when I look in the mirror it is your face I see, ever reminding me of who I am; what I am.

 

I wish I never felt you.

For in your arm I feel my own strength and in your heart my own weakness.

I wish I never knew you.

 

I wish we never played as boys in the Martian fields, throwing red dirt clods until we were dirty from head to toe.

I wish your parents could never tell us apart.

But they always did, hosing me down with cold water on the porch while sending you inside for a warm shower.

 

I wish they never made me taste your food, test your meds, or wear your ceremonial garb for public parades and courts while you hid safely in the back.

I wish I never knew you.

I wish you never forced me to recite my vows just to prove a point.

I was pledged to protect you ‘til my dying breath, and I have been since birth.

I wish I never knew you.

 

You always said I knew my place; that though we look the same, we are vastly different.

A First is not a Second, and a Second is not fully human.

I wish I never knew you.

 

I wish you never made me kiss your girlfriend’s Second just to tell you what it was like.

I didn’t want to kiss her Second.

I wanted to kiss her.

And when you had her for the first time I wished so desperately that I were you.

But now I wish I never knew you.

 

I wish that I never served your time or paid the price for your transgressions.

I wish I never saved you from drowning when we swam in the teal waters of Lake Lunadia.

I wish I never had the implant that tracked your bio-signs, compelling me to protect your life with mine.

I wish you knew that everything I did, I did not because I feared for my life, but because I feared for yours. I would have done it all the same.

But today, I wish I never knew you.

 

I wish we never did such mundane things as hiking the Emerald Ridges of Mars or sailing the Mare Lua with our speed skiffs.

I wish we never did the thrilling things like pod jumping from orbit on Ceridian Prime or sling skipping on the clouds of Jupiter.

I wish I never knew you.

 

I wish I never knew your thoughts.

They were always next to mine.

I wish I never felt your pain; it was more mine than yours.

I wish I felt your triumphs as intensely as your defeats.

Still, to feel at all is a precious gift for a Second, and gifts I’ve had aplenty. But today, as you lay here in a pool of endless crimson, I wish I never knew you.

 

I wish I didn’t know the seldom-recited lines of the Second’s Vow:

And when the First no longer lives

The greatest gift the Second gives.

 

Though I’m only a Second, a clone of my First, I wish in vain that I were more.

I wish I didn’t know that.

But some things cannot be un-known.

I wish I never knew you.

 

End

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