Good vs. Evil: Trading in the Sandals and Horns for Cleats and Helmets

Jan 10, 2012 by


The New England Patriots knew all-too-well that this day would come.  Next Saturday they will face, firsthand, the latest reincarnation of Jesus.  All those despicable acts orchestrated by Lucifer’s adopted son, Bill Belichick, will now be front and center for God’s final judgment.  This does not bode well for the men falsely impersonating the Minuteman of the Revolutionary War who bravely fought for America’s independence.  God, obviously a huge football fan, has witnessed enough of Lucifer’s wildly successful team.  So God sent his only son, Jesus, complete with an inaccurate and shitty-throwing left arm, back to earth to battle for your soul.

I find it amusing that both Jesus and Satan came back in the form of two handsome-looking quarterbacks for two proud NFL franchises.  Who knew that both shared a common love for the metrosexual appearance?   I can’t blame Jesus and Satan’s vain pleas to their respective fathers.  Why not ask for high cheek bones and dapper clothing?  Their stint on earth is brief; they might as well spend it equipped with features likely to land them a supermodel to spend it with.

When Satan and Jesus met for a heated discussion on Mount Herman some two thousand years ago, they must have came to the conclusion that their stalemate regarding mortal existence would eventually be decided once and for all on the green pastures of  Lucifer’s playground.  Their showdown will be televised to the world on the CBS network, at Hell on earth, fittingly located in Foxboro, Massachusetts.

The only chance the Patriots have on Saturday against the Broncos would be for Brady to throw for 666 yards with a 66.6% completion percentage. 

However, with God and our Christian nation backing Tebow and the Broncos, it looks for certain that the Patriots will feel the wrath of their past sins and all will be right in Denver and the world.

With all that on that on the line, “Go Pats!”

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