A Letter of Apology to the Victims of Super Bowl Sunday

Feb 13, 2012 by

Dear Victims,

I thought the human race was mostly made up of decent, upstanding, and respectful people; I guess I am naive.  I thought by now you would have been issued an apology from Gisele Bundchen-Brady.  It is quite apparent that Ms. Bundchen has no plans to do so, and has shown no remorse whatsoever for her sickening display of pure hate.  The disgraceful actions of Ms. Bundchen late Super Bowl Sunday night involving you, a group of New York Giant fans in the throes of celebrating your second championship in four years, was a sad and frightening tale.  What you experienced last Sunday has moved me so much that I feel compelled to act.  A tragedy of such magnitude saddens me; not just for you the victims, but for others who may fall prey to celebrity verbal assault.  

So on behalf of Ms. Bundchen, I offer this apology:

To the New York Giant fans that were caught in Ms. Bundchen’s unwarranted and vicious verbal attack, I would like to extend my sincerest apology.  We can only hope and pray that soon our world will be free from these incidents of pure celebrity evil.  When will enough be enough?  I can only imagine the years of intense therapy you all must now endure before any semblance of your former life returns. 

I must extend my condolences to the New York Giant football players, especially running back Brandon Jacobs.  Ms. Bunchen and her despicable choice for a husband, Tom Brady of the New England patriots, ruined what was to be a joyful celebration on the night of their successful conclusion to the NFL season.  It has even been rumored the slew of distasteful words thrown recklessly at Giant fans was premeditated.  Whether this is true or not, the scars have been etched into the ears of the victims, forever.

Mr. Jacobs, I must commend you for your unabashedly high sensitivity.  Who knew football players felt such deep emotions?  I know now, after watching the hurt bring you close to tears.  When a model yells at anyone, especially fans of your team, it hurts.  You taught me that Mr. Jacobs.  It would have been much easier to ignore the situation and celebrate your Super Bowl victory.  Instead, you did what great men often do in times when football fans are attacked by a supermodel.  You went straight to the press and had this to say to Gisele Bundchen, “Be cute and shut up.”  Most would cower before Ms. Bunchen or look the other way, not you Mr. Jacobs, you indirectly made your thoughts very clear to her.  We should all be thankful for people like Mr. Jacobs.

Wes Welker, Deion Branch, and the core group of receivers who make Tom Brady adequate, I apologize for what Ms. Bunchen said about each of you to the victims.  Sure, you dropped a few passes that would have sealed a victory and a fourth Super Bowl title in ten years for your franchise;  life is more than a game.  You tried your best out there; that is all we can ask.  This is all but lost on Ms. Bunchen.  It’s fine for a women to stand up for their husbands or console them after a punch-in-the-gut-loss, but it’s quite clear Ms. Bundchen is out to destroy lives of fans that do not root for her husband.

To all the rest of the New York Giants fans, the residents of New York, New Jersey, and Southern Connecticut, I can only hope that this apology on the behalf of Ms. Bundchen grants you some solace.  I hope one day you’re able to move on from this ugly, headline dominating event.  Sorry Eli Manning, your amazing final drive led to the winning score and the praise you deserve was once again ripped away by that starfucker, Tom Brady. 

I hope that when a beautiful woman speaks to any of you the way Ms. Bunchen did this past week,  it’s because of some strange role playing game that both you and your girlfriend, or wife, have mutually decided on prior to sexual intercourse.

Lastly, to the children who woke up early Monday morning with excitement to read about the game they passionately love, only to be blindsided with news of the incident.  Your innocence was confiscated without the slightest warning.  Supermodels are role models; why would anyone think otherwise?  Young girls’ dreams of prancing down the catwalk during fashion week are now nightmares thanks to Ms. Bunchen.  I know what you are thinking, supermodels are better than this.  I am so sorry kids;  they are not.  They have no soul. 

Characters like Gisele and other insanely gorgeous women that have their picture taken for fashion magazines are insensitive, narcissistic, and extremely demanding.  They are drug addicts with eating disorders.  These people make up the worst of our society.  Fashion models, and to larger extent supermodels, make you feel bad about yourself for not being pretty or skinny enough. These women are monsters and not the type of people you want to emulate.  What’s worse is many of these women often date professional soccer players.  It’s best you find out now; life lessons are tough, but you will be better for it in the long run.

Again, from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry.  I hope that no one will ever go through the hell you experienced.  I wish we lived where you can yell whatever derogatory insults you wish to a famous person; they would just put their heads down and vanish into oblivion, or simply walk away.

How do we move forward?  How is it that in the year 2012, we can no longer get shit-faced in a public arena, act ridiculously obnoxious and self-righteous, and scream profanities and insulting remarks toward a celebrity without this person returning contemptuous remarks of their own towards us?  What does it say about the future of our country if this type of behavior continues?  Will America witness another civil war between the common man and the celebrity?  What side would reality television stars veer to?  Does Ms. Bunchen’s despicable act serve as the equivalent to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand; are we headed to war?

If we are to solve the major issues we face as a nation, we must first tackle America’s problems with child stars, models, Tom Cruise, and all others falling in the entertainment and fashion industries.  It is imperative we put an end to celebrities thinking they can act like mere mortals. 

Lastly, no matter how many times I say I am sorry on behalf of Ms. Bunchen, it will never erase the painful images of a Six foot tall Brazilian knockout spewing curse words in broken English from your mind. 

Your courage is uplifting and you are my true heroes.  My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.



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  1. Eric

    Wow. After all the wins and championships. The is still no humility in New England. My team can’t even make the playoffs with the acquisition of 8 pro bowl free agents. We are all thankful for different things. Me. At least it wasn’t the Cowboys.

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